February 6, 2016

by raince

Tell me something funny. It doesn’t have to be a joke. If you know me enough, a simple greeting from you would surely make me laugh. Not in a bad way. More of like, it’s a good feeling to laugh again kind of thing.

I indulge myself of wants I do not need, often ignoring my actual needs because I do not want them.

I want excitement. My life is a dull, dragging mess. I spent most of my time either worrying about stuff that are probably non-existent, and fantasies that would never come into being no matter how robust they can get. But I do not need excitement. I need to get my shit together. And that’s not exciting at all.

My friend once told me of what my future would look like using a deck of cards- it’s just one of his practical jokes. He told me to pick three cards he laid down in front of me. I went along for the fun of it.

I know that what he said were just guessing works but I never knew that they would land to exactly how I felt that time.

He showed me the three cards that I picked, making sure that I see that they do not stand for anything at all. It took him a moment to “internalize” their meanings before announcing them in a convincing voice. It made me laugh. He told me to shut up. I didn’t.

The first card, he said, showed him a vision of boredom. He asked me if I was bored with my life. I told him that I am very bored.

The second card contained lightning bolts all around it so according to him, I need to seek a new hobby for excitement. I have no idea where he got this idea but I didn’t question it in fear that doing so would not have gotten me the conclusion.

Which is in the third card which displayed a picture of a blindfolded guy. He told me that I can only get this excitement when I did something of a measure I am not exactly comfortable with:

I need to commit something illegal.

A crime. Robbery and murders and other infamous sprees.

Over-indulgence of superficial goods is what I consider a crime. I’m robbing myself of valuable time, murdering my brain as I make it bleed to death, not caring at all if I am gaining something or not. A crime.

Instead of making me feel as if I’m in an escalator turned into its turbo mode, this activity introduced me to a turtle that is walking on quick sand.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll sleep now. Everything is better in my dreams.